guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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