I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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