I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize