idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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