I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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