Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
