Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize