Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
His nipple licking is glorious
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
