I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
