margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And then he peed in my hair
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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