I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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