I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
