I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
50% drunk capacity currently
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
