It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
