I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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