At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
