So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
