The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
