I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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