I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
