TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
