The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
