to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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