So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
