Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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