I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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