Just took my morning after pill in the library
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
