We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
