I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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