i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
