never play flip cup with pint glasses
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize