I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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