There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
