I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize