Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
