I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
