I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
