Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
