its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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