my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
