Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
