i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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