he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Randomize
