Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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