piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
