He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
