You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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