one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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