There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
