Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
