Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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