apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
