The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
