Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
