this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
