Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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