It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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