fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
