I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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