Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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