All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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