Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Randomize
