hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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